Teacher: why are you late?
Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull.
Teacher(Angrily): Can't your dad to it?
Student: No, only BULL can do it.

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. =)

A notice in a factory for girl workers.
"If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines at work..
If it is short, protect yourself from men at work"

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!

man was looking at a painting for a long time of a
naked woman with leaves covering the body,
he was asked what he was doing and he answered - waiting for autumn

A cat tries to get a sausage out of a river,
but gets its paws wet,
then it see a bigger one but falls in!
MORAL OF STORY? The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!

A cat and a rooster sat by a lake, the cat fell in the lake,
the rooster laughed! LESSON: when there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock!

(Category: Naughty SMS   Language: English   Characters: 137)

A Sex expert was once asked whether a rape is possible while running. No, he replied, woman can run faster with her skirt up than a man with his pants down.

A man had "I LOVE YOU" tattooed on his dick. He went home and proudly showed his wife. "There you go again, trying to put words into my mouth", she said.

baby dog asks mama dog: How papa looks like. Mama dog said: "Your dad came from behind, I do not have the chance to see its face carefully!"

One day there was this naked man and elephant, the elephant looks at the naked man for a few seconds, ask the naked man, "HOW CAN YOU BREATH THROUGH THAT LITTLE THING?"

1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

Sounds women make during sex.
1) Asthmatic - ah.ahh.ah..ah.
2) Obedient - yes.yes..yes.
3) Unsatisfied - more. more...more.
4) Religious - oh god. oh god.